A quick Google search will tell you that for women, being 28 and still being single is a turning point. The key word in a majority of these articles is the word still. Like it’s a negative thing. Or that we are stuck waiting for something or someone to come along. 28 is still an acceptable age to be single, but by societies measures we are creeping up to “red flag why are you still single?” 30s age. And by typical Christian standards, being a single 28 year old woman is almost ancient.
As a Christian woman, I find it hard to relate to some of the women in articles and comment sections about the topic of women being single. Which is why I decided to hopefully create a space for communication about it on my own. A place for all the negative emotions that we wouldn’t necessarily like to admit to, as well as the positivity that we sometimes can’t see.
Let me first state, that I do want to be married. I do have a desire to find a life partner and start a family with them one day. There. I said it. For some reason, or for a lot of reasons (society and cultural), that is difficult for me to admit out loud. Maybe because I don’t want others to look at me with pity.
A lot of my Christian friends got married in their early twenties. And when I say a lot, I mean Every. Single. One. Nobody was left past the age of 24. I do still have friends who are single, but none of them are Christians and I can’t relate fully to their life experiences for one way or another. Which is why I went searching on the internet to find people to relate to. It was nice to see others voice the same disappointed or anxious feelings that I was experiencing. I think I read every single Reddit question that related to this subject. So if you’re feeling frustrated, I totally understand.
“It’s hard to accept a life that we wouldn’t necessarily choose for ourselves, and with each year that passes, being single can become increasingly harder to deal with.”
I was beginning to feel a disconnect with my faith and church about being single. It seemed like there are a lot of messages directed at married couples, like this was the ideal, and not much about single people. Like that is our default. I felt left behind and a bit forgotten. “Hey! Hi! I’m still here, a contributing and active member in this community.” I even reached out to my pastor to talk about this.
My conversations with God were often about the subject. There was often a prayer that went a little like, “God, if this isn’t something that you had in mind for my life, then could you please take this desire away?” It’s hard to accept a life that we wouldn’t necessarily choose for ourselves, and with each year that passes, being single can become increasingly harder to deal with.
I know, I know, there are plenty of people out there that will say 28 isn’t old, and that I have plenty of time to get married. But getting married “later in life” comes with other concerns. Mainly concerns about never having a chance to have children of my own. But that is a post for another time.
“It’s not like I could work to save up enough to buy myself a husband. Or study enough to earn a degree in marriage.”
I was also finding it harder to not only relate to my non Christian single friends, but to my now married friends as well. Making me feel increasingly alone. I sometimes feel like my life is in a stand still until a partner comes into my life, and that is hard to admit. I try to fill my days with things and people that I enjoy, but it feels like the years are just passing by and I’m waiting for something to happen. Go to work, come home, do something interesting for a few hours, go to sleep alone. Wait. Wait. Wait. It’s what my life started to become. I was starting to feel abandoned.
I felt like there was only so much that I could do about the situation. It’s not like I could work to save up enough to buy myself a husband. Or study enough to earn the degree of marriage. People suggested I work on myself or they would tell me, “don’t worry too much about it. Someone will come along.” Like men were just falling from the sky somewhere. I heard so many stories of people who found their partners when they least expected it, and on the other side of the coin, people were also telling me that if I didn’t have an active dating life then what was I to really expect? It was frustrating, and I didn’t know what to do.
The year that I turned 28 (I’m 30 now) was the year that I really put effort into changing my mental state about being single. These are a few things that helped me feel comfortable and even happy about my situation.
- Joining a single ladies small group. With women my own age. Finding people in real life that understood what I was going through, and who wanted the same things as me, helped me immensely.
- Finally start moving forward on things that I wanted to do with my life. Without a partner. One of those being, moving abroad for a year. Something I will talk about more in another post, but the mindset and actions of moving forward with my life sans a partner was a great feeling.
- Journaling. Writing out all the feels. Everyone knows the benefits of journaling. You don’t even have to call it journaling if that sounds too immature, but writing out your thoughts helps to cope and understand yourself on another level. Not to mention, it’s a great time keeper to look back on when things get rough or when things get better in life.
There is so much joy to be found in life as a singleton, and things that I know I would not have done if I was married. Let me know in the comments below if there are things that have helped you in this journey!
Domestic Wifestyle 